Unmasked

• 2012-05-22

  700 Days.

  From the day it all started, to the day it all ended. 

  700 days. 

• 2012-05-17

  

  I don’t know what I’d do without these kids. The best group of friends, ever. In the past 5 years that I’ve known them, there has NEVER been any drama or bullshit. Everything’s always a good time, no matter what. Gonna miss our spontaneous trips to Cali, our camping trips, our hikes, our nights when we’d play volleyball til 2AM, our drunken nights, playing the song game, our huge water balloon fights, laughing at each other because we’re so embarrassing all the time, our epic sleepovers,and everything in between. 

• 2012-04-27

  Today has been good

  I hope it’s like this here on out. I want to move on, no matter how much I love you.

• 2012-04-26

  Only time will tell..

  I don’t even know where to begin. I’m struggling to recollect and accept it no matter how much I think about it. I am never one to reveal my true feelings, because I live in fear of being vulnerable. I have never felt so much emotional pain in my life and I am unsure about how much more I can take. I want it to stop more than anything. It’s impossible for me to sleep, I lost my appetite completely, and my heart keeps sinking lower and lower in to my chest as every second passes. I am trying so hard to convince myself that I hate you & listen to the wise words of all my wonderful friends. But at the same time, all I want to believe is that this is all a cruel joke that everyone is in on. For the past two years, you were my safe haven, the only thing that made my dark days brighter just by the thought of having you in my life. When I would cry, you would grab my face, wipe my tears with your thumbs, look at me with such innocent and gentle eyes, and softly say to me that everything will be okay. But now that I am hurting more than ever.. it is you that caused it, but it’s also only you who can make it go away. I hate that I love you unconditionally.. because no matter how fucked up what you did to me was, I just want you to be here. 

• 2012-04-25

  I’ve changed my mind so much I can’t even trust it
  My mind changed me so much I can’t even trust myself

• 2012-04-24

  I am hurting all over.. again & again & again. I want to sleep so badly.. but these thoughts won’t go away. Please go away.. I don’t want to have to think about it. About everything. About the past two years. About how everything I was looking forward to this summer has shattered. I have never felt so much betrayal in my life or what I did to deserve this.

  Everything was just so great for awhile.. I’m just so baffled how one thing can change everything. It’s like I, out of nowhere, was shot to the heart by a bullet. Every single bone in my body feels numb, my heart feels like it’s about to drop out of my ribcage, and my head is going crazy. 

  I want the weekend to come already, please. Take my mind off this nightmare.

• 2012-04-23

  I cannot wait for June.

  • Me & Joy’s 18th Birthday Bash.. we’re going all out on it 
  • Seattle for sister’s graduation
  • Disneyland trip w/ Rei for our two years
  • Cali trip with the homies 
  • Graduation
  • All the grad parties

  Ahhh, one more month! 

• 2012-04-19

  Talks

  about the good times with Megan warm my heart to such a great extent. It reminds me that I have such amazing friends, no matter how much they make fun of me. Even today, they still continue to be the same old gayboys as I remember when I was 14. We still laugh at the same things, go on the same crazy adventures, and still make fun of the endless embarrassing moments. It makes me really sad that I’m graduating and leaving.. it’s going to be difficult finding a good group of friends as they are.

• 2012-04-18

  A Sonnet for English class

  Through all the stress and days of gloomy rain,
  There is one thing which soothes my tired mind.
  Life may give me lemons, suffering, and pain,
  But by giving me you, life is too kind.
  I’m blessed to have you, you’re my greatest find.
  Totally unexpected and unplanned,
  You swept me off my feet, our worlds entwined,
  And now I’m falling with no place to land.
  I feel safe and warm when you hold my hand,
  Like I have a sweet angel by my side.
  I’m thankful that what we have is so grand
  Two years flew by, but the flames have not died.
  We must say goodbye when I move away,
  But it is in my heart where you will stay.
  

• 2012-04-17

  I kid you not,

  I get called a hipster at LEAST once every day. I am far from it, yet everyone claims me to be the epitome of a hipster. I don’t really believe in labels.. but even if I did, I am NO WHERE near the description of a “hipster”. Seriously, I’m getting annoyed. Whatever. Everyone needs to stop.